My husband and I have known each other for ten years.
He recently filed for divorce and we are now separated.
The biggest problem between us is that we fight a lot.
I find that I don't seem to be very good at dealing with conflict.
I'm often told that the world is not black and white, what does that really mean? As it is, I know that my husband still has me in his heart.
But he's especially afraid of having another confrontation or fight with me.
Every time I try to express that I don't want a divorce, or my feelings for him.
He always had a cold attitude and I didn't know what to do and would end up pestering, explaining and apologizing again.
What the hell am I supposed to do now? How can I avoid intensifying the conflict?
Hello friend! I can feel your confusion and bewilderment, you want to get your husband back very much, but you are not sure what the problem is and what to do.
You mentioned that you and your husband have known each other for ten years and that he recently filed for divorce and you have separated. The biggest problem is that you fight a lot, and you find that you are not very good at handling conflict.
The husband is terrified of another confrontation with you. Every time you try to express that you don't want a divorce or your feelings, he gets cold feet and you don't know what to do and end up pestering, explaining, and apologizing again.
Understand very well how you are feeling right now, you care about your relationship with your husband but can't help but clash with him when things go wrong.
You probably don't feel like you're in the wrong, and feel like you're obviously right and doing him a favor, so why is he just not accepting it?
You say you don't understand the meaning of "the world is not black and white", which reflects that you may have a bit of an ego. Try to think back to every time you had an argument, what escalated the conflict?
Is it because of a difference of opinion and disagreement? Or do you think he's wrong and want to prove you're right?
The world is full of diversity, that's why it's wonderful. We are not always right, even twins have different views, just different perspectives.
How do you get your husband back?
❤️ Learning to Listen
When your husband is willing to communicate, talk less and listen more, don't rush to judgment. Listen to his needs, and many times, just listening can make him feel at ease.
❤️ Let go of judgment and respect each other
The world is not black and white and that makes life rich. If you love him, respect him as an individual with his own ideas.
Especially in the family, there is no need to argue about right and wrong, and if you win the reasoning, you may lose the feelings. The family depends on feelings, right and wrong are not important.
Love is tolerance and acceptance.
❤️ Stabilize and grow yourself
As an adult, control your emotions first and don't get angry easily. Learn to express yourself gently and firmly, maintaining independence and boundaries.
There is no need to force him to respond now, pick a suitable time, have a good chat, listen to his ideas and requirements, allow for differences and give him space.
Good luck!