I'm usually very emotional, I'm used to shivering and cold hands and feet, but lately I've been getting more and more irritable, and when I get a little upset, I lose control and want to hurt others or myself - all I can think about is smashing things, yelling, crying, and even jumping off a building! I've done everything I can to restrain myself. I've tried my best to restrain myself, but these episodes are becoming more and more frequent, and every time I'm scared to death that I'm going to turn into a crazy person who has lost his mind, and I also feel especially desperate, as if there's no rule of law at all, and I really don't know how I'm going to go on.
The sense of loss of control, meltdown, and helplessness is evident in your description, and these symptoms are severe enough to require medication to help: e.g., SSRIs to regulate serotonin and quickly calm mood swings, or short-term use of benzodiazepines to block crises during an acute anxiety attack. A physical examination, such as a thyroid function test, is also recommended, as hyperthyroidism may make the shaking worse. If you're already on medication but things are getting worse instead, it's important to contact your psychiatrist quickly to adjust your regimen. Also, you have so much stuff weighing you down emotionally, with high levels of aggression and self-destructive impulses, that long-term counseling is essential along with medication. Counseling helps you slowly identify, sort out and express your emotions and adjust your coping mechanisms, and while the process may involve physical reactions and cognitive changes, even touching on past trauma, it's super important for recovery.