Have you ever realized that many girls around you (including yourself) are particularly bothered by the fact that their boyfriends have physical contact with other members of the opposite sex? Is this because we subconsciously take each other as our own property? Why is the possessiveness so strong? What does physical contact really mean? Is this kind of concern related to cultural background?
Hi, I felt a lot of empathy when I saw your plea for help! I hope I've shared some support and advice for you.
Although you rationally feel that you shouldn't mind if your boyfriend has physical contact with other girls, emotionally you just don't feel comfortable, right? This actually reflects some of our inner insecurities, such as a low sense of self-worth or a fear of not being good enough to blur the boundaries in a relationship.
Truth be told, most girls are concerned about their boyfriends getting too close to the opposite sex; it's a normal exclusionary mentality in an intimate relationship. We all want to be the only one in the other person's heart, and that feeling of irreplaceability brings a sense of security.
Why do we crave intimacy as adults? PARTLY because we are repeating the patterns of attachment we had with our mothers as infants and toddlers. At that time, our mother's unconditional love made us feel like the center of the world, and this experience of total acceptance is deeply embedded within us.
So, falling in love is partly about reliving that feeling of being "valued". If we don't have this need for intimacy, we may have been traumatized by early attachments and need to heal through self-awareness or healthy relationships.
Physical contact is important in passionate love, it calms the emotions and makes us feel loved and accepted. This is a basic human emotional need and has little to do with culture - Eastern cultures may not express it directly, but they value the quality of attachment just as much.
I'm Lily the Little Ear, listening to your troubles with all my heart, the world and I love you.