If you find yourself with some low self-esteem, often afraid to try new things, and always worried about your lack of ability, you may be wondering: can self-confidence really change a person, or even turn a life around?
Hi, friend! I'm Yu, the Heart Detective Coach, and today I'd like to talk about two aspects of your confusion and help you find a breakthrough.
I. Why are we always afraid to try?
1. Self-efficacy, which we often refer to as self-confidence, refers to your assessment of whether you can successfully cope with a situation and your trust in your own potential. Think back to your childhood. When you first learned to walk or use chopsticks, were you repeatedly interrupted or prevented from doing so because of your parents' excessive worry and fear of failure? Over time, we develop a judgment of the unknown: "I'm sure I can't do it right," which gradually impairs self-efficacy and makes us prone to internal vulnerability in adulthood. Like you said, fear of incapacity often holds us back.
But don't be discouraged, we need to have the courage to move forward - as psychologist Adler says, childhood experiences in themselves don't determine everything, it's how we interpret them that counts.
2. Human beings naturally love to find reasons, and the reason "I'm not good" is simply omnipotent, it can explain everything, but it does not help. Because it just give themselves an excuse, will not promote any change, but let you into a dead cycle: "I'm not good enough, so I do not deserve a good life, good results," and so force themselves to live a day they do not like, do things they hate, and the result is even more unhappy, to further confirm the "I'm not good! I'm not good".
II. What to do? How to break the circle?
First of all, it is important to understand the fact that each of us is born good enough and inherently possesses intrinsic value, which does not require any reason or condition.
In order to make a change, you have to define what you want and then replace the "unwanted" goals with "wanted" goals, but the two must be compatible. For example, instead of thinking "I don't want to be anxious", think "I want to be calmer".
We can learn to divert our attention: when negative emotions come to the forefront, immediately call out "stop" and say to ourselves, "I believe in myself, and I'm going to get better at this!" Letting emotions flow naturally prevents repression from leading to distorted behavior. You can also try reading aloud, stretching or meditating, which can help you pull out of a negative state.
Replace low self-esteem with positive beliefs and face anxiety head on. When you're always worried about bad things happening, it's a good idea to face them head on and take your time getting rid of them. Even if you can't fully relax for a while, that's okay - life goes on as usual and you don't have to wait for the anxiety to go away before you act. Anxiety can also sometimes turn into motivation, pushing you to socialize and experiment more. Break out of old patterns by trusting those around you to understand.
Gather feedback on practical actions to gradually boost your self-confidence. Try to do something you've previously avoided, then see the results and the reactions of others - if it's positive, promptly reward yourself with a nice meal or a weekend away. A sense of confidence comes naturally as you build up competence in real experiences. Remember, confident actions create confident feelings.
Learn to find resources: We're used to staring at problems, but it's actually harder to find resources. When you have self-doubt, ask yourself more often: who can I turn to? What options do I have? What tools can I utilize?
Don't be afraid to seek help - since it bothers you, getting over it right away isn't easy. Find a trusted family member or friend to talk to, or consider a counselor to give your emotions an outlet and ease the blockage inside.
In addition, more use of weekend vacations to go out, broaden their horizons, and maintain a normal heart. A normal heart is calm confidence, and confidence is a firm normal heart.
A good book to recommend is Where the Power Comes From, which will inspire you even more.