Everyone says that every child is not "bad" and that they all have their good qualities.
But I can't help but notice only the children's faults.
Even if it makes me deliberately look for their bright spots every day and praise and compliment them in every way I can.
To be honest, it's really hard for me to do.
Mostly because I have no idea where to start looking for "strengths".
Hello, friend! I can feel that you actually want to give your children more encouragement and support, hoping that they can get warmth from you and grow and learn better. But somehow, you always see their shortcomings first, which must be quite disturbing to you yourself.
From an upbringing perspective, the way we treat ourselves is often much like the way our parents treated us. I'm guessing that your parents probably rarely praised or complimented you either? They were probably more used to criticizing and nitpicking to push you forward.
If you grow up in such an environment, you unconsciously see yourself and everything around you in a negative light, and it has become an automatic reaction. That's why it's normal for you to have a hard time finding the good in your child right now, don't beat yourself up too much.
Are the "flaws" you see in your child, the things you can't stand, the same things you can't accept about yourself? For example, if you think your child is "timid", is it possible that you hate your own "timidity" as well?
If you want to change, it's best to start with yourself. Practice accepting your strengths, embracing your weaknesses, and giving yourself some encouragement. Slowly apply this positive model to your children. It's not an easy process, but it's definitely worth trying in order to break the cycle of negativity. I wish you all the best!