I often feel as if I'm in the wrong world when it comes to interpersonal frustrations. I can't understand why relationships have to be distant and conflicted, and I can't accept that people don't reply to messages - chatting may not matter to them, but I don't think it's even basic respect and courtesy.
Even though I understand the reasoning, I still feel hurt inside.
More and more I wanted to run away from the world and couldn't find what the point of living was.
I feel like I was brought into this world passively, and I don't like the role of parents as such. My mom and grandmother both have personalities I hate, and I find myself somewhat similar. I don't want to get married or have children.
My brother beat me up growing up, but I was still nice to him because I felt he was the closest person. But it doesn't seem that way to him, he only comes to me when he needs something and I'm always hot and cold. Thinking about a lot of similar things makes me want to cut off contact with everyone, but then I feel alone. My friends are all married and sometimes life feels boring and I feel alone wherever I am.
Hello!
You say that relationships are frustrating, but I think this may be a personal feeling for you. The truth is, none of us can make everyone accept and be happy with us, and that includes not only friends, but relatives and sisters as well. Why? If you look around you carefully, is it true that some of your relatives do not have a good relationship with each other? Because each of us is an individual and no one is obligated to really know or empathize with anyone. These are mutual, but the most important thing is that you have the strength within you to support yourself - that is to believe in yourself, accept yourself and love yourself. And, everyone has to go through a period of loneliness before they can truly grow and mature. What is the sign of a person's maturity? I think it is the willingness to love this world even after understanding its loneliness, pain and cruelty. We cannot choose whether or not to come to this world, which is passive, but we can choose to still love this world, which is active. The character of your mother and grandmother you don't like, you can choose to grow yourself and become different from them. I know it's hard, but when you are brave enough to write about these disorientations and confusions, isn't that the courage to face and change? You say you are lonely, but loneliness is actually a normal part of life. Even when you get married and have children, another person may not always be able to empathize with your heart. When we recognize this fact, we consider not whether we are lonely or not, but how to use the time of loneliness to grow ourselves. Believe me, you will get better and better this way, and you will even enjoy the time alone. Good luck!