I'm a sophomore girl, and since my sophomore year of high school I've noticed that whenever something important doesn't go as well as I'd like it to, I get especially moody. Then, I would feel like people hated me, dreading eye-to-eye interactions with them and turning on them myself. During that time, I was easily irritable, and the slightest thing could make me angry and completely out of control. After I graduated from high school, this state also lasted for more than a month, I accidentally hurt a lot of classmates and family members, and now when I look back, I feel especially guilty, and I feel that I have overdone it. When I see others in pain, I often do not feel much, and I can not comfort people, often ignoring other people's moods, people say I have low emotional intelligence. Last semester because of something bad mood, I started to feel that my roommates hate me again, I did not talk to them eye-to-eye for a whole month, and then somehow it got better, but from time to time when no one is there, I still get sad. Currently the moods are smoother, and those bad states before go away as soon as I see my sister and girlfriends, people I like. I'd love to know how to avoid that kind of emotional downturn and how to get out of it quickly.
Hello friend, reading your message was like talking to you face to face.
I'm sure you're a sensitive girl, so after an emotional outburst that hurts someone, you reflect and want to improve quickly.
Your mood swings seem to have started in your sophomore year of high school, and maybe something happened then that was particularly disappointing to you, like suddenly not being able to see the world and feeling incapable of dealing with important issues.
This is a setback for you, the desire for control is not being met and the energy is difficult to release.
Coupled with the inherent emotional instability of adolescence, it is difficult to reconcile the gap between inner desires and reality, making it easy to become angry and irritable.
So I understand the emotional ups and downs you were going through, those repressed energies have to have an outlet.
Now you're occasionally in a bad mood and automatically guess that your roommate hates you (probably subconsciously making excuses for your hostility). But at the end of the day, it's still a matter of emotions, or the opposition between inner thoughts and reality.
I've read the book "The Turn of a Thought" and while I don't agree with everything, it makes sense at its core - people's anger, restlessness, and frustration often stem from a mismatch between their inner thoughts and reality.
For example, my aunt wanted her cousin to score 200 points in the Arts and Sciences exam, but her cousin only topped out at about 190, a difference of 10 points is like a hurdle, and my aunt was so anxious about it that she couldn't sleep well.
It's good to have aspirations, but there are always surprises and limitations in life that aren't all in our control, and it's easy to get frustrated by the discrepancy between aspirations and reality.
I'm not saying it's wrong to feel sad, in fact, happiness and sadness are normal emotional responses.
But after the emotions have passed, the key is how to adjust expectations so that they are more realistic, thus reducing the sense of loss and increasing the sense of fulfillment.
This state lasted quite a while and it takes time to try to rebuild your inner balance. So don't rush, give yourself space to accept the reality, reset your goals and approach and you will slowly get better.
Lastly, I recommend the book "The Turn of a Thought" and wish you a handshake with your world.
Good luck.
I am Yushu, a little mushroom who wants to be gentle with the world and also give herself time to grow freely.