My family lives on the fourth floor and my grandfather's house is on the second floor, so every holiday, relatives usually go to my grandfather's house first for a party.
This year's Ching Ming Festival, some infrequent relatives also came, my mother told me to go downstairs to say hello, but I did not wash my hair at that time, I really do not want to see people.
As a result, one of my relatives came up on their own, and I happened to be washing my hair, and I was a bit stubborn, thinking what they were doing up here, so I didn't take the initiative to say hello.
My mom later said that relatives should take care of each other in the future, and I understood that, but I just couldn't get my head around it.
In fact, since two years ago, I mostly don't go downstairs when relatives come over for the holidays, and I've only been down there a handful of times.
Am I being particularly rude and appearing unintelligent?
Every time I think about it afterward, I feel like I did something wrong and kind of regret it.
Hey, friend! I understand you all too well when we face this tangle of relatives visiting us during the holidays. Whenever relatives gather at grandpa's house, it's supposed to be a lively family reunion, but for us, it's a bit of a handful. Just like this Qingming Festival, mom let downstairs to say hello, but because I did not wash my hair do not want to go, this concern is normal, who do not want to meet people in the best condition? Then the relatives came up, we are washing hair, a rush coupled with stubbornness, did not say hello, and then blamed themselves afterwards.
In fact, there is a reason behind the fact that you would react like this. Maybe there weren't too many experiences in past relative interactions that made you feel relaxed and happy. Maybe the topics or behaviors of your relatives made you feel pressured, or you tend to get nervous in social situations and are not very comfortable with such lively human interactions. Over time, you naturally become resistant to meeting up. Moreover, you say that you have been reluctant to meet relatives since two years ago, which suggests that emotions build up slowly, not suddenly.
Also, mom mentioned that relatives can help later, which is indeed a realistic consideration, but for you, the emotions may be stronger in the moment. You want to be polite in your heart, but you resist it in your actions, and this conflict makes you regret it afterward.
Let's not blame ourselves too much, everyone has their own personality and social rhythm. This resistance is real and it reminds us to pay attention to our feelings. Next time you are in a similar situation, you can cheer yourself up before the relatives come and tell yourself that it's just a simple hello and you don't need to stress too much. If you really don't want to go downstairs, you can sincerely communicate with your mom, such as, "Mom, I know I should go say hello, but I'm not in a good state right now and I'm a little nervous, so I'll go down again when I've made some adjustments, okay?" This expresses the attitude and also gives you space.
The process may still involve not wanting to meet people or not saying hello, and that's okay. Change takes time and every experience is an opportunity to grow~