I grew up as a rather pessimistic person, and my close friends often commented on it. Although there are occasional moments when I'm in a good mood, lately, for some reason, I've been feeling particularly irritable. I can't explain this irritability, it just makes me not want to talk, and I can't gather my attention like loose sand. When people talk to me, I know what they are talking about, but I always feel that the voice is muffled, I am always lost in thought, and my mind is empty and disorganized. I'm so tired of being alive that I can't even talk to my boyfriend, and I prefer to watch short videos, take a nap, or play games alone. Getting along with people is like walking with a heavy load, and there are too many things weighing on my mind. I had two abortions in six months - one medical and one painless - and at only 21 years old, I felt especially ashamed, and even worried about whether there would be retribution. Many times I needed companionship, but I always carried on by myself. Maybe it's my own personality, I don't like to bother others, never ask until it's absolutely necessary, but instead, I became a good old boy, helping with everything, and even arguing with my boyfriend, always admitting fault first.
Hi, friend! I can deeply feel your pain and stress right now. You say you've been negative and that may have become a label that others have given you, but don't let those labels tie you down.
Everyone's personality is influenced by many factors, such as upbringing, life experiences and mental state, so your negativity didn't form in a day and it's not all your fault.
You've been feeling particularly irritable lately, with difficulty concentrating and no interest in socializing, which is likely a sign of too much emotional stress.
Two abortions not only have a physical impact, but also a psychological blow that leaves you blaming yourself, ashamed, and even afraid of retribution. But remember, people are not saints, mistakes are common, the key is to grow from learning, rather than taking the fault all on yourself.
This self-blame will only cause you more pain. Try to relax, you deserve to be forgiven.
You're always alone with difficult problems and don't like to ask for help, which shows that you're strong, but you can get lonely over time. Everyone is vulnerable at times, talk to someone you trust appropriately, they may be more willing to reach out for help than you think.
Don't be afraid to open up, talking can make it a lot easier.
You also mentioned always agreeing to other people's requests and admitting fault even in fights, which shows that you need to set boundaries in your relationship. Learn to respect your feelings and don't always sacrifice yourself so that you can build a healthy relationship.
First, accept your emotions. Allow yourself to feel irritable, tired or restless; these are normal. Don't suppress it, give yourself some space to experience it.
It's also important to find a support system. Whether it's a friend, family member, or counselor, sharing distress with them can greatly reduce stress.
Taking care of your body and mind is key. Get plenty of rest and nutrition, and try relaxing activities such as meditation, yoga or walking, which can help stabilize your mood.
When interacting with people, learn to protect your energy and don't always please others. When communicating with your boyfriend, be brave and express your true thoughts instead of compromising.
Slowly adjust thought patterns. If you often fall into negativity, keep a journal to identify these thoughts and find positive alternatives. For example, remind yourself of past efforts and accomplishments when you beat yourself up.
If emotions are out of control or past trauma is affecting your life, consider seeking professional counseling. They can provide in-depth guidance and help you step out of the doldrums.
Please believe that you deserve happiness and peace. It's difficult, but by slowly adjusting, you can find balance.
Believe in your own strength to face everything and I'm sure you'll get better!