My girlfriend has cheated on me before, so I keep a close eye on her every day.
Though she has promised me that there will be no more flings.
I believe her in my heart, but I can't help but think nonsense.
Always kept asking where she was, and deep down, always seemed to be trying to find clues that she was cheating on him.
Hello friend, Eileen Chang once said, "Because we know each other we know, because we know we are compassionate." I'm Yu, the Heart Detective Coach, and I'm here with you today to talk about this topic.
Let's talk about intimacy first. First of all, past experiences can affect the present relationship. Like you mentioned, your girlfriend has a history of cheating, so you keep a close eye on her.
We can ask ourselves what we think when we think of our girlfriend's ex-convictions and what emotions and feelings this brings up? What are your emotions and feelings if you don't think about that?
Past experiences do not determine our present and future; we need to have the courage to move forward.
We all have a stage in our inner world, and we are the "protagonist" of the stage, while other people and things are the "supporting characters" that exist around the "protagonist". Our own emotions, desires and logic will be bet on these "supporting roles", thus fictionalizing the script of the story. When we meet people and things in reality, we will unconsciously use the inner script to interpret the outer relationship, and those we care about in reality will also be pulled onto the inner stage by us, "performing" our inner drama together.
So, how we view intimacy is really up to us. The reason why you think too much is because there is a voice in your heart that says, "My girlfriend has a history," and the script of your story has already been set. Your girlfriend is the "supporting actor" on our inner stage, and we use our inner world of emotions to build our imagination of real relationships.
If one opens up to the awareness of the human-self relationship, we realize that the essence of the relationship turns out to be the search for the self, that is, to know myself.
We can ask ourselves what factors we appreciated about our girlfriend when we first met and fell in love with her. Have those good aspects changed?
We can also ask ourselves, what is the inner need to always ask where she is and always want to find evidence of her cheating?
We can also ask ourselves, what does my ideal partner look like? What is my ideal intimate relationship? What does my heart really want? What can I do about it? When we are clear about what we want, we can be guided to the right behavior.
At the same time we must also learn to appreciate each other, because if we can only accept each other's strengths and not her weaknesses, it can only be considered a partial love, perhaps such a love is less romantic.
We can have a frank communication with his girlfriend, first of all, to her clear expression of their love and trust, but also to ask his girlfriend to understand their own true thoughts, good communication can release their own suppressed emotions, but also to enhance mutual understanding and promote intimate relations.
We can also seek help because since this thing is bothering you, it is not an easy thing to overcome it right away. Try to find a friend or relative that you trust and has been giving you positive support to seek to talk to, or if you feel the need, a counselor, because there must be an output of emotions to ease the heaviness and blockage that we feel inside.
We also need to relax the mind, the weekend you can go with your girlfriend to nature trekking, feel belong to the two of you world, you will find that the moment together the most cozy, but also the most romantic.
Recommended book "Intimacy, Making Soul Mates