Hello! I'm often plagued by jealousy and possessiveness and it's really affecting my relationship with my partner. Although I know in my heart that this emotion makes me squirm, I just can't control it. For example, I am especially concerned when the other person is happily chatting with someone of the opposite sex, or when there is physical contact with holding hands or hugging in a program like New Year's Day. Even if the other person doesn't have too much interaction with the opposite sex in private except for acting, I will still hold on to those contacts.
It doesn't feel very helpful to go and communicate in this situation because the other person can't always accommodate my jealousy and possessiveness.
Hello, friend! I can especially understand how you feel. Jealousy and possessiveness are actually a normal part of human emotions, and when we care about someone, seeing TA interacting with other people of the opposite sex, especially physical contact, can easily trigger a strong emotional reaction. This feeling of being both disturbed and unable to control ourselves is indeed contradictory.
You mention that the other person doesn't have too many private interactions with the opposite sex except for work demands, but you still mind their physical contact. This shows that you care a lot about the relationship and want it to remain pure and unique. At the same time, you realize that these emotions can affect the relationship and you can't always ask the other person to accommodate. This self-awareness is already great because you see the problem and want to fix it.
To channelize jealousy and possessiveness, you first have to understand the reason behind them. Is it because of insecurity? Fear of not being good enough, fear of losing the other person. Or has a past experience made you more sensitive? Or maybe it has something to do with your personality type, some people are naturally more prone to jealousy ......
You can take some time to analyze yourself.
Acknowledging and accepting these emotions, rather than repressing them, is the first step to change. Try journaling or meditation to organize your emotions.
Trust is the cornerstone of intimacy. Communicate deeply with your partner, share your feelings and concerns, and listen to each other's feedback as well. Both partners need to understand and support each other.
Talk with your partner about setting reasonable boundaries. For example, what behaviors make you uncomfortable and how to adjust them with respect for each other.
Increasing your sense of self-worth can reduce insecurity. For example, practice self-affirmation by saying positive things to yourself every day, such as "I deserve to be loved" and "I have a lot of good qualities."
Cultivate your hobbies to enrich your life and reduce excessive attention to your partner. Make more friends and expand your social circle for more support.
Learning effective communication techniques, such as Nonviolent Communication (NVC), can help you express feelings and needs more clearly and avoid blame and conflict.
If you are having trouble dealing with these emotions on your own, consider seeking the help of a counselor. They can provide professional guidance and help you understand more deeply within.
While jealousy and possessiveness are normal emotions, they do negatively affect relationships if not managed. By understanding the root cause, confronting the feelings, increasing self-confidence, and building trust and communication with your partner, you can gradually ease the distress. Don't hesitate to seek professional support if you are experiencing difficulties. Good luck in finding balance and having a healthy and harmonious intimate relationship~!