It's been more than three months since you lost your husband, and you may find that you can't take an interest in much of anything, lack motivation to get things done, have moods that go up and down like a rollercoaster, and sometimes feel sad, anxious, fearful, and even have trouble sleeping at night.
Hi, first of all, I want to give you a sincere hug. I'm so glad you're here to share your feelings, and I hope that my words will bring you a little warmth and support. From your description, I can deeply appreciate the huge blow your husband's sudden departure has caused you, leaving you doubly heartbroken and lost.
Allow yourself to fully embrace these emotions - feeling extremely sad, helpless and even confused after such a significant loss are all very normal physical and mental reactions. Everyone's grieving process is different, so there's no need to compare yourself to others, you just need to be true to yourself and give yourself enough time to slowly adjust.
When you're feeling particularly hard, try keeping a journal to record your inner feelings. Words are a great outlet for your emotions, and can help you express and release those hard-to-speak feelings, making you feel a little lighter.
Death is not a permanent farewell, but another form of companionship. Although your husband's physical body is gone, the good memories he brought you in life, especially those qualities that you admired in him, will live on in your heart forever. When you are in pain, ask yourself: Is this what he would have wanted? He wouldn't want you to wallow in grief for a long time because he's gone, would he? Instead of staying connected through difficult visits, a better way is to live out the sparkle in him so that his spirit continues to inspire you. You can also share heartwarming stories of your relationship with a trusted friend or family member, which will make the remembrance even more powerful.
If this emotional state continues to plague you and affect your daily life, it's also a good idea to consider making an appointment with a professional trauma therapist. They can provide targeted help and walk you through this difficult time.
I recommend you read these books, Necessary Loss, Embracing Grief, The 1000 Day Path to Self-Healing, and Forever Daughter, they may give you some inspiration and comfort.
I'm Lilly, the little ear of the Answer House, and remember, the world and I care about you.