I find that I'm particularly afraid of contact with people, not just strangers, but even coworkers, family members, and people I know can be extremely intimidating. This is most likely related to my childhood experiences - as a child I was actually quite outgoing, had friends and loved to have fun. However, since my parents came back, my father often beat or scolded me, and I was beaten up very badly, while my mother was indifferent, and later even told me that it wasn't my fault I was beaten up, but just that my father took it out on me when he was angry outside. After my parents divorced, my mother walked away and never contacted me again. I had a stepmother in middle school, and I tried to commit suicide several times in high school, and although I failed, I even cut my hamstring once. I had planned to go to psychotherapy when my internship was over and I had worked for a few years to save up some money, but now I don't feel like I can hold it together, and suicidal thoughts keep haunting me.
Dear little whale.
Don't let other people's voices become your inner demons ah.
Try to get those negative thoughts out of your head.
Find that truest, freest version of yourself.
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